Am I overreacting for refusing to stay at my boyfriend’s parents’ house after what his mom said?

I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for two years. His family is very traditional. I tried to be respectful, but this weekend was something else.

When we arrived, his mom immediately said, “Good, you can help in the kitchen.” I didn’t mind—until she added, “A real wife knows her place before the ring.” Every single time I tried to sit down, she’d call me back to do something else (cut vegetables, set the table, pour drinks, clear dishes) while the men sat around chatting. I don’t mind helping, but the way she ordered me around made me feel more like staff than a guest.

At dinner she kept making comments about my career choices. When I mentioned how excited I was about a project at work, she actually frowned and said, “You’ll regret chasing a career instead of learning to take care of your man. Ambitious women always end up lonely.” She also hinted that I should take better care of my appearance so he won't "leave me for another woman."

Everyone else laughed awkwardly, and my boyfriend gave me that look that says "please don’t make this a thing." Later, when I quietly told him how uncomfortable I was, he sighed and said, “That’s just how she is" and to "not start drama." I was furious that he wouldn’t defend me. I told him I was getting a hotel for the night, and he begged me to stay, saying it would “make things worse” if I left. Against my better judgment, I stayed.

The next morning, his mom walked into the guest room without knocking while I was packing and said, “You shouldn’t be so sensitive. I’m only trying to prepare you for marriage. My son deserves a woman who respects tradition.” I finally snapped and said, “Respect works both ways. You don’t get to insult me and call it tradition.” She looked genuinely offended and said, “So this is what modern women sound like. No wonder men are unhappy these days.”

When I told my boyfriend, he looked torn but said I need to learn how to get along with his mom, or we have no future. As someone with a good relationship with my family, I know that a relationship isn't just between the two people, but with the ENTIRE family. That's something we align on. But I’m sitting here wondering how I’m supposed to “get along” with someone who clearly doesn’t see me as an equal human being.